accepting the whole

So often, when speaking about accepting the whole, we only truly accept the parts of ourselves that we like. The parts that are good, successful or that we and others deem worthy. However, we don't get to choose which parts of us we keep. One of the beautiful, and sometimes frustrating, things about life, is that we are unfinished, raw and unexplored. These unexplored pieces, in many ways, are what make us unique and allow us to impact the world.

In my own journey of awareness, I have found many surprising pieces of myself that became strong identifiers of my core nature. Of course, there are the pieces that I secretly hold so much pride in: perfectionist tendencies, meticulous organization, persistent leadership and always having care for others. Then there are the pieces that are rather difficult to accept: feeling overwhelmed by the mundane, jealousy of those who have something "better" than me, ease of distractability and lack of confidence in decisions. Ultimately, I hide these "difficult to accept" pieces and other qualities I am ashamed of by failing to acknowledge them. I often hide them underneath a projected image of contentedness to distance myself from the process of growth.

After several conversations in which I asked for reassurance about the image of contentedness I project to friends in person, on the phone or in social media, I was confronted by a loved one. He explained that he felt I wanted to be perceived well at all times and that seemed like it could be a burden. Upon further extensive reflection, I realized that by projecting this image of constant happiness, I was repressing and avoiding my true self. This repression, for many of us, of the pieces of are identity that we don't want others to see is what blocks us from living an aware life.

This recent realization helped me commit to exploring one piece of myself each day. This exploration may be through the blog, a conversation with a trusted friend or through calm inner reflection. I expect this process may be uncomfortable at first, but I hope to become more aware of my true self and work towards acceptance of the whole self. I will commit to exploring each piece and work towards enhancing the positive qualities found, as well as nurturing areas of growth.

I hope this inspires you to make a commitment to exploring one piece of your self each day. If so, I believe you will grow, learn and truly experience a journey to accepting your whole self.

the waste of worry

L.M. Montgomery (author of the Anne of Green Gables series) once said, "It only seems as if you are doing something when you're worrying." What is intriguing is that worrying prevents you from doing so many somethings.

I began thinking about this idea a lot the other day at work. I had just returned from a conference and I was feeling guilty. My schedule on that particular day did not seem nearly as burdensome as my colleagues and I felt I must be doing something wrong. They must be thinking ill of me, I can't deserve this good job and I am most definitely going to loose it.

Worrying about these potential, and most likely unreasonable, events stripped me of my normal confidence and ability to stay focused, sharp and do my job well. I was more distant with the students I saw and overly cautious with my responses to others. The reality is, if I were to continue to have this worry of inadequacy become my most present focus, I would be more in jeopardy of experiencing the events I feared.

living in beta

It is okay to live in beta. This is something a librarian told me in reference to storing and saving data. Though the idea was presented to explain that data is consistently changing, being updated and hopefully improved, it struck me as something important to the process of living an aware life.

Each day, we strive to meet deadlines, goals and come to points of completion. The irony in this is that we never fully reach completion in our growth. Growth is a process that is constant and continual. We can reach check points for certain ideas, goals or activities, but our awareness of ourself, our needs, and our abilities alters when we reach each new check point.

Like many of us, I find it difficult to let the process happen. I am so concerned with reaching the destination, that I don't enjoy the journey (as they say). I become frustrated with the journey and inevitably become frustrated with myself because I am not getting "there" fast enough. "There" is actually not the part that is most important, it is the self-awareness and balance I have gained along the way that will guide me to a more whole self.

That is why I would like to leave you all with the idea to give yourself self-compassion, acceptance and understanding as you continue your journey towards an aware life. Each step you take in your life, will lead you to more understanding of yourself and who you are in this world. Enjoy the process and allow yourself to learn from each day.

commitment

This is an anxiety-provoking word for many of us. As I write this now, I can feel symptoms of stress surfacing: rapidly beating heart, quickness of breath, clenched jaw, a desire to play a quick game of solitaire and go to bed.

This is my first blog post ever and it certainly invokes fear... fear of the commitment I am making to unknown outcomes...

• what will readers think of what I write? of me?
• what if I want to change how I appear here?
  
• what if something I say isn't profound?
• what if I can't keep up with this?

It is nerve-wracking to put myself out there in a way that I haven't before. Admittedly, I have been avoiding this for over a year. Saying that I needed to do more research, take more time for self-reflection and growth, find the right format.

Then the other night, I took the plunge. I picked a name for my blog. Momentum and excitement built as I tweaked the design and theme. I effortlessly created the mantra that would be my "about".

Then I lost it when I had to write the first post.

The first post is a commitment. A commitment to my virtual image, the messages I choose to send and the start of a (hopefully) meaningful archive. As I write this though, I am appalled at how most of this sounds like my concern for a business plan. I want my commitment to be to more than an opportunity to grow a vision for professional development. I want my commitment to be a genuine opportunity for growth and positive change.

And so, I have chosen to make my first post about my commitment to the vision of this blog. I am making a commitment to experience an aware life, to help others explore an aware life, to connect more closely with myself and others and to learn and grow in the process.

This commitment will be a journey and I am excited to take it with you. Namaste.